From The Bottom of My Tomiho Broken Heart

sandy72300
May 27, 2017
3 min read

How long has it been? A few weeks? A month? I'm not so sure. Who would want to remember a very sad date anyway?

But surely it is there, etched in the innermost part of my heart that I intend to hide for a long. Never do I intend to bring it back or to even reminisce. For whenever I try to think about the good ole' happy times, sadness would always overshadow the supposedly happy thoughts.

Looking Back

I loved them as a couple. Like crazy. I don't remember ever being happy like that for another person in my whole life. Ever! Just seeing them together before, it was like I was on cloud nine. It felt like nurturing a match made in heaven. A perfect love affair.

After a long, long time, for once, I believed in forever. That a guy like him still does exist. That a fairy tale can still happen. I couldn't even be more happy for the two of them together. Creating happy moments. And memories.

I’ve always thought that Miho is one lucky girl for being loved by someone like him. Not because of him being him. But him being man enough to accept her for who she was; the whole of her. Excess baggage and all. At least that was what I saw and how I felt at that time.

Looking back, who knows what the truth really is.

Now the memories are all I ever have. Memories that I can’t even cherish. Memories that I don't even want to remember anymore. Because for every single happy photo when they were still together, is like a dagger in my heart. A painful experience. A curse.

Their YouTube videos that used to make my day, even for throwback's sake, now I totally dread. Too afraid to pull that tiny, sensitive string. That soft spot that would bring back that same old pain that I wish I'd never feel again.

Regret

They say that you are not supposed to regret something that has made you happy, even for once. But I cannot help it. The hurt is way too deep, it can't be undone.

Am I that bad for wanting to have a piece of that guy who broke Miho’s heart? For whatever it's worth, I just want him to feel even just a tiny portion of the hurt. Maybe, just maybe, that way, I can release all my emotions and let it go once and for all.

Yes, I was angry. I was hurt. Devastated even. In denial for a time. And I am just a fan. I can't imagine how much more Miho must have felt. I know she is trying to be strong but deep inside she's tearing apart. I wish that whatever pain I have felt has reduced hers somehow. For I cannot do anything more than to wish her well, cheer for her, pray for her, and love her even more.

For all the rant I’ve made, the bad words that I've blurted out, please let me be, for the mean time at least. Till my heartaches end. Till I learn to move on. Just like what Miho did.

I know, someday, someone will come. Who will love her just like how she should be loved. Because she definitely deserved it, and so much more.